| Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over ... |
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| With Congress, every time they make a joke it's a law, ... |
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| Politics has got so expensive that it takes lots of mon ... |
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| We are all here for a spell get all the good laughs you ... |
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| I traveled a good deal all over the world, and I got al ... |
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| There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the ... |
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| What the country needs is dirtier fingernails and clean ... |
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| I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and rep ... |
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| There is good news from Washington today. Congress is d ... |
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| Everything is funny as long as it is happening to Someb ... |
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| The fellow that can only see a week ahead is always the ... |
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| The best doctor in the world is the veterinarian. He ca ... |
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| Don't let yesterday take up too much of today. ... |
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| You know everybody is ignorant, only on different subje ... |
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| If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it g ... |
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| Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sel ... |
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| We have the best Congress money can buy. ... |
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| I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm ... |
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| Every man is ignorant - just on different subjects. ... |
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| So live that you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the family ... |
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| Being a hero is about the shortest-lived profession on ... |
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| Never let yesterday use up too much of today. ... |
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| We can't all be heroes because somebody has to sit on t ... |
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| The man with the best job in the country is the Vice Pr ... |
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| It's not what you pay a man, but what he costs you that ... |
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| I can remember way back when a liberal was one who was ... |
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| Live your life so that whenever you lose, you are ahead ... |
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| If any of us had a child that we thought was as bad as ... |
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| The greatest loss of time is delay and expectation. I n ... |
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| I was not a child prodigy, because a child prodigy is a ... |
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| Don't gamble take all your savings and buy some good st ... |
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| Ancient Rome declined because it had a Senate now what' ... |
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| I belong to no organized party. I am a Democrat. ... |
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| Nothing you can't spell will ever work. ... |
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| I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife ... |
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| Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you ... |
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| An ignorant person is one who doesn't know what you hav ... |
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| This country has come to feel the same when Congress is ... |
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| The movies are the only business where you can go out f ... |
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| The only time people dislike gossip is when you gossip ... |
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| Politics is applesauce. ... |
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| Our constitution protects aliens, drunks and U.S. Senat ... |
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| On account of being a democracy and run by the people, ... |
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| Take the diplomacy out of war and the thing would fall ... |
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| There ought to be one day-- just one-- when there is op ... |
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| Rumor travels faster, but it don't stay put as long as ... |
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| The more you read and observe about this Politics thing ... |
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| We don't know what we want, but we are ready to bite so ... |
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| Half our life is spent trying to find something to do w ... |
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| There is only one thing that can kill the Movies, and t ... |
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| The income tax has made more liars out of the American ... |
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| See what will happen if you don't stop biting your fing ... |
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| Well, all I know is what I read in the papers. ... |
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| Communism is like prohibition, it's a good idea but it ... |
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| I bet you if I had met him Trotsky and had a chat with ... |
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| You can't say that civilization don't advance, however, ... |
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| Heroing is one of the shortest-lived professions there ... |
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